Leaving Destiny
by Houjun Sama
Summary: [songfic to the song 'dear god' by Sarah Mclachlan] [mild Suzaku bashing] Miaka realizes that her destiny as the Priestess has come to a close, once Konan is falling and Taka is dead, and her beliefs in Suzaku diminish...


Disclaimer: I don't own FY XDD

_Dear God_

_I hope you got the letter and_

_I pray you can make it better down here_

A cool breeze shifted the trees, drowning the silence in its own eerie voice. Leaves fell like small stars, floating down to the ground, where'd they lay for their eternity. A silver tear drifted off of her cheek, landing with an inaudible splash on the cold stone. How could she be standing, in this crisp air and on this soft ground, and he be lying inside of the Earth….?

_I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer  
But all the people that you made in your image,  
See them starving on their feet  
'Cause they don't get enough to eat  
From God  
I can't believe in you.  
  
_

Clenching a fist, she flicked away the tear with her remaining free hand, and knelt beside the hard rock… the barrier between her and him. Looking away, she rested a hand on the smooth structure, feeling her fingers slide down to the base, and brushing against the wiry pieces of grass that had sprung up there. The high sun cast shadows between the trees, lying its warmth upon Konan… a city that had once been so vibrant and animated, was now falling to ruins around the destructive patters of war and weather. Catching a breath in her throat, she turned to glance out upon the city. The people were dying, and like them the crops withered in the heat. How could all of this happen to such a place?

….was it her fault?

_Dear God,  
Sorry to disturb you, but  
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear_

She hadn't willed this to happen. And, with all her strength to try and keep things pulled together in the city… work had split at the seams, and set into motion the destruction that would not, and could not be stopped. She felt so helpless, and alone. Feeling the hot wetness of more tears dripping from her closed eyes, she leaned against the stone, letting the cold sink into her pale cheek as a welcome feeling. She had prayed… prayed so hard…

_We all need a big reduction in the amount of tears  
And all the people that you made in your image,  
See them fighting in the street  
'Cause they can't make opinions meet_

War. Fighting. It had caused all of this pain. If the battle had not been fought, he would still be here. If Tenkou had not unleashed his wrath upon the innocent, just to try and accomplish an impossible goal….then Taka would not be dead. Hearing his name resound in her empty mind brought a bitter resentment to the surface. If she had never accepted the role…if she had never become the Miko…so many people would still be alive. Gritting her teeth, she whimpered, and buried her face in her arms. So many people…those who had died for her own cause…the citizens of Konan… It was all her fault. Her fault for assuming the role. The fighting from other cities….invasions, conquering….it was all just to stop a ceremony… Crying into her clean sleeves, she ignored the tears that sunk through to her skin.

_About God,  
I can't believe in you._

The god she had served so faithfully, the outcome that had been so dangerous, yet redeeming. Picking her head up, she wiped her eyes with the bases of her palms. If she had not assumed that everything would be all right… that Suzaku would protect and not allow harm to come to his own city… Then this surprise of failure would not be as strong.

_Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?  
Did you make mankind after we made you?  
And the devil too?!_

How could someone with so much power… with the ability to save, restore, and to keep… disregard his own followers? Eyes moving to the dark spots of dirt in-between patches of light colored grass, she furrowed her brow. If so much was done to honor such a god… where was the response? She had tried… she had prayed… she had given all of herself… and she was left with nothing. Taka… the one she had loved with her every true essence, was gone with her hopes and dreams for the future. As if ripped from her heart so viciously by a god clad in red, he had been brutally murdered by Tenkou… someone who could have easily been stopped with the wave of one hand….

_Dear God,  
Don't know if you noticed, but...  
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book,  
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,  
And all the people that you made in your image,  
Still believing that junk is true  
Well I know it ain't, and so do you_

Lifting her head to see the tall tree that loomed over her, she blinked into the sunlight, and quickly drew back. The people of Konan honored Suzaku with everything they had. Offerings, prayers, sacrifices… were all of these things to be left unnoticed? And yet they still prayed, even as their city fell to ruins around them. Smirking to herself, she let her mind sink deeper into the dark void that surrounded it. No one would help the people of Konan… she had seen so much deception already… no matter how much she had tried to make things right… there wouldn't be a resolve for anyone…

_Dear God,  
I can't believe in...  
I don't believe in..._

Clenching her fists again, she pushed herself off of the ground, and stood on her feet, glancing out onto the ruined city. How could she trust what was once her destiny?

_I won't believe in heaven and hell.  
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well.  
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.  
You're always letting us humans down._

Turning in the soft dirt, she laid hazel eyes on the stone once more. The grave of her love. It would be destroyed slowly, with the rest of the city, and left as a pile of rubble… to be eroded away, and thrown into the sands of time. Making a small noise, almost a tiny laugh, she crossed her arms and looked back upon Konan. She couldn't trust Suzaku any longer. He had shown her so much in the course of the years… so much _pain_.

_The wars you bring, the babes you drown.  
Those lost at sea and never found,  
And it's the same the whole world 'round.  
The hurt I see helps to compound  
That Father, Son and Holy Ghost  
Is just somebody's unholy hoax_

Who had originated this idea that the gods would protect their country…? Had they seen the glory? Closing her eyes, she let the wind swirl the air around her, cooling her skin. She could no longer depend on something so fake, something that accepted what people gave, but did nothing in return. Turning, again, she knelt before the gray stone, rubbing a hand down the side and calmly reading the name. It echoed in her mind in a clear tone, one that floated by on love, loss, and memories. She closed her eyes, and smiled. His happy laughter could be heard as if he were right beside her…

_And if you're up there you'd perceive  
That my heart's here upon my sleeve.  
If there's one thing I don't believe in....._

Opening her eyes again, she exhaled deeply. He was gone… all in a bloody second his life had been ripped from his body. And there was nothing that the god could have done, even if she prayed with all of her existence, there would be no reply…

Taking in a breath, she stood, and looked back out upon the city. Her help was no longer needed. Even if she extended her tender touch to even the farthest reaches of the city, the help she would be able to administer would be none. Her power was gone, and her trust was gone…. She knew that her life could only continue if she left the World and traveled back to her own.

Kissing her hand, she warmly set it back upon the stone.

"Goodbye," she whispered, a small smile appearing, "We'll meet again, I am sure."

Leaving a warm look at the stone, Miaka slowly turned, and walked through the looming trees, leaves flitting past and the cold breezes echoing through them like rustling paper.

_It's you.....  
Dear God._


End file.
